Recent study shows that: The heart grows weaker every time we do something opposite of what we feel.

-Reader’s Digest

I’ve read this quote from a friend of mine on her Facebook status message, and it struck me like a lightning volt! Why? There’s some things in my life which I’ve always wanted to do, or more like a dream, goal, destiny or whatever you call it, was somehow deprived from me and I know it makes my heart weaker every time I think about it.

Now what are “these” things I’m talking about?

There’s only a handful of it. First is my dream to be a successful musician. Since the day I’ve learned how to play the basic instruments, I’ve dreamed of myself playing in front of a crowd, entertaining them, enjoying the music, I will even play without anything in return just to see the crowd enjoying what I do. *sigh* Sadly, my father won’t let me in a band that I wanted.

I remembered when he (my father) said to me when I was in college, “Pila ra nang banda-banda kung mahuman kag skwela.” (You can go in a band all you want after you finish college.) I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science, but then, still he won’t let me. Does promises really meant to be broken? Yes I was in a church band, but that’s not my heart is telling me.

My cousin (my band mate back then) told me, “You have a talent Marc, and you’re good at it“. Now, he’s a very good bass player and with a band which is stable and entertaining around Manila for a while now. Miss Kuh Ledesma on a TV show called Diz Iz It, once said “Talents should be shown to the world, it’s in the Bible“. All these quotes and thoughts about me, not showing my talents to the world, makes my heart go weak, every time.

Secondly, and probably the last thing I would mention in this article, is to experience things that would develop myself as a man. Sooner or later, I have to stand on my own, without experience, it will be hard for me to adjust and you know that.

When I was in college, I wanted to experience driving a PUJ (Public Utility Jeep) to somehow add up to my allowance. We had a jeep, and I wondered if I can turn it back into a PUJ again and I would drive it on my vacant time in between class schedules ’cause I have a lot of vacant times when I was in college, but my parents wouldn’t let me. I wanted to experience working in Manila, but my father told me “Could you handle it?“. How would I know if I won’t try?

Well this sums it all up. Every time I think about it, it makes me weak, makes my heart weak.

Here are some quotes that I find like food for the soul.

Here’s a bit of practical (or impractical, depending on the situation) advice. Whatever you really want to do but are afraid to do–DO IT. Take the chance–follow your heart. It’s essential to listen to the messages from your heart. These messages are your soul’s desire. They communicate to you what you are meant to be doing at any given time in your life. If you don’t follow these messages, you will inevitably be straying from your life’s path.

-Jon Gabriel, The Gabriel Method, Page 22

And here’s a line from the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness”. A father tells something to his son.

“Hey. Don’t ever let somebody tell you… You can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream… You gotta protect it.”

-Chris Gardner

I just wish I could do all the things my heart is telling me to do.

2009 had gone by, I welcomed 2010 in our office, working on graveyard away from my love ones. But it’s not a big deal for me, new year is like any other ordinary day for me. And it was fun welcoming 2010 while working. Plenty of food, shouting and yelling, smiles all around you, red dresses, red shirts dominating the work place, you know, Filipino tradition things and all.

Since it’s a new year for me, I’m setting myself some new goals for a better me. First, I would like to lose weight. Yes, I have lost weight in 2009 alone. From 220 lbs. down to 195 lbs and still counting. That’s already a big achievement for me since I’ve never lost weight that much in my whole life.

Secondly, I wanna look good, together with my on-going of loosing weight, I work out. I’m following some routines to make my body lean. I’m picturing out my ideal body every day to encourage myself on my goal.

And lastly, I want to discover my new me, discover things I’ve never expected to do or make a move for my long time goal to be a song writer or an artist. I’ve always wanted to write songs since I was high school, but I really can’t. I know, I’m a frustrated song writer. But I’ve already written one song, and you can find it here. But I wanna write more, share my thoughts and experiences to my listeners through my words, express what I feel or have felt in the past. And hopefully change some things and habits that for a better me.

I know these sounds like another ordinary resolutions that we hear every year with the people around us, but doing it would make the difference. Not just saying it.

In the next few weeks, you’ll be noticing some changes to this blog. The design and all, I will change the looks of this blog together with my goal in life.

Have a happy New Year everyone!

*sigh* I was already absent for 2 days now, and I ‘m not sure I’m gonna be absent for tonight. This is the 2nd time I felt like this, first was like on my college days, years ago. And now it happened again.

I guess this was just an ordinary flu but I was shivering and chilling inside. I feel cold whenever there’s air and no matter how hot it is on my room, I can’t sweat. My thermo got 39.2 and it’s already high. My head aches I move a muscle, don’t like to eat, I just get up to go to the CR and when I get up, I feel like I’m gonna fall or drop, you know what I mean? I easily bump on doors and walls. *sigh*

But now I’m feeling better. There’s a little heat on my body but I really hope I’m gonna better so I can go to work this evening. Thanks for my friends who prayed for me. ‘Till next time.

It’s been awhile since my last post eh? Yeah, 2008 for me is kinda sad. Too many ups and downs, well mostly downs, especially with my love life. Over the past months, I’ve been through a lot, I mean a lot. It even affected my work, my everyday routines, my hobbies, almost everything. Things have happened on my personal life, sad things, that I felt I can’t handle. I’ll admit that I’ve been depressed, bitter, angry and confused as to why those things have happened to me, my love life. But God has reminded me of one phrase that our pastor and my family has been saying, God never gives us more than we can handle.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. -1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)

I know these problems will come to pass with the help of God, there’s no one I can turn to but Him. Things have happened when me and my girlfriend broke up, things that we thought could make us better persons, make us grow, but I was confused as to why they happen, mostly sad things. I know God has a plan behind all this, as the Bible says, God causes all things to work together for good.

I’m still on track of my plans, I never lose hope that someday we would end up together again. But I feel it’s not yet time. Experiences in life makes us grow, make us more mature and there’s more things I know would make us more better persons. You’re probably confused to what I am saying, my mind is not that stable now-a-days. I just make diversions to not think of those problems always.

New year, new beginning. I have to make myself better first, I want to loose weight, so that might be the first thing I would do to make me a better person. I’m 24 yet I feel there’s so much to learn in life. I would like to thank all those people who are close to me for being part of my life, espeically Daisy for being there to listen to me when I’m down, I’ve never regreted I chose you to be my closest friend whom I can share my ups and downs, thank you fren.

Well, that’s all about my 2008 and I’m now embracing 2009 with wishes of more blessings, health and hapiness.

Sometimes you’ve got to go through the pain, to experience the joy.

All of us need this, but most of us don’t wanna do this ’cause it’s something tiring with all the movements you’ll need to do for it. I’ve never done this for a very long time, and it feels so good after doing it. The pumps up and down, forward and backward, sideways are kinda tiring and kinda makes your heart beat faster and faster every time. And the sweat feels like you’re loosing calories.

No, not that silly, you’re just too green minded. I’m talking about Tae Bo! Yeah, it really is tiring especially for the first time you do it, and you’ve never exercised recently ’cause of work. Dang! it really feels good. I can’t somehow feel my legs now, it’s refreshing. Knowing that I’m too fat now, and I really need to exercise, Tae Bo might be a good idea. So I looked it up on Youtube, there might be some vids there, and yeah I found one. It’s for cardio exercise so it’s fun, the beat and moves really makes you pumping and sweat.

The reason why I am not doing this before is, I feel shy going to the gym for this. And not only that, most of the men going to an aerobics gym is tagged as gay, you know what I mean? So I might do this everyday after work, AT HOME. Hehe. And you should too! Even if you’re not as fat as I am, we all need exercise to look great and FEEL great!

We do all have our first experiences on something, and we all know too that first experiences are the ones that are unforgettable, memorable, haunting, you know, those cherished moments when you first held and enjoyed something that you love very much, it’s just remarkable.

I remember when my mother bought our 14″ Sony Trinitron TV, I was like 7 or 8 years old. As a kid, I was addicted to it. Ever since my Mom bought our Sony Trinitron TV, I go home early after school, you know what I’m saying? No more playing and strolling around the neighborhood. It’s a good thing right? I get to go home early back then! Hehe.

I can still remember like, when I’m still at school, I really look up to one specific time in the afternoon, 4:30. After school, I rush up going home and wait for that moment that I could finally shout, “4:30 na! Ang TV na!” Hahaha, I really enjoyed doing that and I cherished those moments together with our Sony colored TV.

You know what’s the treasured part on my first experience with our Sony colored TV? Ever since my Mom bought it, she and my Grandma told me, “So there you go, we bought that TV so you wouldn’t stroll to our neighbors anymore and stay out late, we won’t be worried of you anymore” and I said “Thank you Mom, Grandma.” and then I hugged them tight kissed them both on the cheeks. I’ve made them smile and hugged and kissed me back. Since then, I go home early just watching my favorite TV show and cartoons. Until now, our Sony colored TV is still working and used at our small store.

It definitely gave significance in my life just like the Sony’s World’s first Noise Canceling Portable Music Player. Now I can listen to my favorite music without being disturbed.

Whew! Well, to some people, this is easy but to others like me, it’s kinda hard. I mean really, I don’t know where to start, what to start, although I finished 1 song, yeah 1 song, heh. It’s called Adik Sa Kape or in English, Coffee Addict. You can play it by clicking the link on the post. The song is about 2 friends talking about love, heartbreaks and all, and instead of beer, they drank and drank coffee ’till morning. Heh, the song is kinda funny though I wrote it seriously. We had no beer around that time, so what we saw is coffee and hot water, we just needed to talk and you know, spit out those things that has to be spit out, you know what I’m saying? Heh.

Anyway, before we go out of track, writing songs isn’t that easy for me. If my best friend wasn’t there to strum the strings a bit, I wouldn’t finish the song. For me, I really need someone to help me finish a song, with the guitar at least. I mean, I know how to play instruments, but I can’t seem to concentrate when I’m playing while I’m writing. It’s kinda hard. Heh. But, if someone is playing while I’m writing, everything seems be smooth, while playing, lyrics come of my mouth just like talking normally, that’s how I finished that song, just started few words for verse, then everything comes smoothly after that, popping out and rhyming and all. It’s kinda cool.

I really hope I can learn how to write songs just by myself. Although I’ve written some lyrics, (I’ve already started so many lyrics but haven’t finished them) but they aren’t songs yet. Still needs rhythms and melodies, you know. Well, I just shared my experience on writing songs, how do you write your songs?